Yeah, um, so much for those observations. (For the record, I think Simmons is right when he said the lack of deadline deals pretty much set the Lakers as winners by default.)
Anyhow, now on to the fun of the NBA offseason:
Extreme Franchise Makeover, Bob Vila Edition: The Toronto Raptors
So they gut practically the entire roster to fit in Hedo Turkoglu. Not that the previous make-up was any great shakes, but desperation over losing Chris Bosh seems to be Brian Colangelo's reason du jour. Or so it seems. Work with me here: Hedo running alongside a dominant center, an outstanding point guard, and a bunch of shooters... I think I've seen this movie before. Yeah, Reggie Evans and Andrea Bargnani aren't exactly the same supporting cast he had in Orlando, but I can see Colangelo's mind working. Even if Toronto is a poor man's 2008-2009 Magic, that's a 60 win team he's following. Even 40 wins get you into the Eastern Conference playoffs, and that just might - might - be enough to keep Bosh. (Well, that and the extra cash he'd get for staying in Ontario.)
Extreme Franchise Makeover, Tim 'The Toolman' Taylor Edition: The Orlando Magic
Hot off of a huge Eastern Conference Finals upset, it only stood to imagine that Otis Smith had to work a bit around the edges to push the Magic to the point where they could stand toe-to-toe with the Lakers. Alas, it was well known around the league that the team's skinflint owner wouldn't be able to ante up to renew Turkoglu's services. Or at least, that's what everyone thought.
As it stands now, the Magic are set to be over the luxury tax for at least the next two - if not the next four seasons. Turkoglu and key roleplayers Rafer Alston and Courtney Lee were tossed aside in favor of Vince 'Does This Mean I Have To Start Caring?' Carter and Brandon Bass, returning an unhappy Martin Gortat, and bringing in a guy in Matt Barnes who hasn't had any success in an offense that takes more than seven seconds. Its Smith at his 'throw everything at the wall and see what sticks' philosophy in action yet again, though he's exchanging a successful and highly entertaining team for, presumably, a more conventional one. Whether it will improve on last year's success or implode under the weight of a charge by the Cavs, Celtics, and Wizards, that remains to be seen.
Extreme Franchise Makeover, Howard Fine and Howard Edition: The Detroit Pistons
We're five years removed from a Pistons team cemented on selfless team play and tough defense winning the team's third NBA title. Time wounds all heels, however, and it was time for Joe Dumars to reload the team for its next run. Pistons fans were wetting their lips in picking up a Carlos Boozer to replace an aging Rasheed Wallace, or perhaps ol' Joe finding a few other diamonds in the rough to start the next great Pistons run.
Enter Ben Gordon, Charlie Villenueva, and Chris Wilcox. Selfless team play and tough defense were shortly thereafter found dead, lying facedown along Eight Mile Road. Forget Bill Simmons' remark about spending $95 million on a pair of non-All Stars. If you're Tayshaun Prince, Rip Hamilton, or just about any DEEETROOOIIIIT BAAASKEEETBAAALLLLL fan how do you even recognize this team anymore? Bringing in John Kuenster was the icing on the cake, its obvious that Joe's decided that defense was a nice idea but D'Antoniball is where its at in the same conference that boasts Kevin Garnett, Dwight Howard, and the Lebron-Shaq combo.
Extreme Franchise Makeover, Bob Geldof In A Hotel Penthouse Suite Edition: The Milwaukee Bucks
The team could theoretically have a payroll of roughly $30 million in 2011. Does anyone doubt at this point that they might actually go that route? I imagine they could be in that boat next summer, but even the prospect of playing with the Low-Rent All-Stars probably won't be enough to make Michael Redd forgo the last $18 million on his contract.
On a positive note, any potential John Starks, Jamario Moons, or Smush Parkers now have their chance to shine!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Lakers - Rockets Game 4
In a nutshell:
The Rockets ran out the munchkins and dropped the Toyota Center on Kobe. Somewhere, Don Nelson is dialing up Bill Simmons and cackling like a madman. Let's hit the quick review:
The Rockets ran out the munchkins and dropped the Toyota Center on Kobe. Somewhere, Don Nelson is dialing up Bill Simmons and cackling like a madman. Let's hit the quick review:
- If anyone had any doubts that Phil Jackson is right now slumming with the late '80's versions of Tom Landry, Don Shula, and Chuck Noll, this game erased them. The papers will say 'lethargic', I say 'how in the name of Hubie Brown do you not gameplan for midgets running circles around your team'?
- Then again, maybe he couldn't. For all the Lakers' talent, there is a glaring lack of athleticism on that roster. Sasha Vujacic? Luke Walton? Derek Fisher? If Kobe's feeling an old 30, this series just got reeeeeeeeeeal interesting.
- Speaking of #8- er- #24, I can't remember if it was Mark Jackson or the Mortician who brought up the Rockets' brilliant gameplan: Keep Kobe stuck between the permeter and paint and watch the fun. They pulled it off perfectly and Mamba chalked up a horrifyingly quiet (if you're a Lakers' fan) 15 points.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
NBA Draft Liveblog
I'm here at Buffalo Wild Wings Broadview Heights. I have a tall glass of Miller Lite next to me, popcorn shrimp on order, and I'm ready to see what surprises lay in store for tonight. Trading for Michael Redd and picking up Roy Hibbert or CDR? Getting stuck with Kosta Koufos? I'm ready for it all!
In the meantime, beer and SportsCenter highlights.
First off, thoughts and prayers go to Brian Windhorst, who's having a rough time of it right now. Keep fighting, Brian, we're all behind you here.
We're off and running and the draft hasn't even started: The Bulls surprise completely no-one and select Derrick Rose. Let's see how he acts once he's on stage. Will visions of Larry Hughes bricking shots, passes bouncing off Drew Gooden's head, and Ty Thomas taking plays off fill his head?
Yep. That half-smile ain't foolin' anyone, Derrick. We can read 'Oh ####' a mile away. ESPN, of course, quickly cuts to the college highlights.
Not that he's an more enthusiastic once he gets to Screamin' A's couch.
Whoa. Miami actually selects Beasley, even after Slick Riley's been all but talking trade the past month. Does he stay with the Heat?
Kevin McFail dooms O.J. Mayo to at least a few minutes of mediocrity. At least O.J. can fake an honest smile. And what's the with the glasses? Professor O.J. ain't foolin' anyone.
Three picks in, no moves yet. Pat Riley admits that the rest of the front office withheld his hair gel until he promised to draft Beasley.
Now it gets interesting. The Clay Bennett Vagabonds select Russell Westbrook. Slightly surprising that he moves ahead of Bayless and Augustin.
O.J. Mayo is on the phone receiving Kevin Garnett's condolences.
From Pau Gasol to Kevin Love? Not a bad payoff for Chris Wallace.
Yawning Knicks fan sums it up right about now. No deals, no really big surprises. Too bad Isaiah's gone, there goes that highlight of the evening.
And of course, I spoke too soon. Donnie Walsh starts his regime by skipping Bayless and Augustin for Danilo Gallinari. Don't worry, Knicks fans! He's strong! He's young! He has a coach familiar with his style! He's not Darko's Italian twin! Really!
Eric Gordon to the Clips. Bayless and Augustin still on the board, with the Bucks pick up next. There's been talk of Milwaukee eyeing Anderson Varejao, keep your fingers crossed Cavs fans.
Donnie Walsh looks even more like a mortician than Jeff Van Gundy.
Well, that explains Yi getting shipped to Jersey. Joe Alexander is the Bucks pick.
Bobcats select D.J. Augustin with Brook Lopez still available. Verrrrrrry interesting. Either Felton's moving to the bench, or he or JRich are on the block.
Brook Lopez falls to the Nets. Oh well, they'll have a couple more lottery picks to fumble before they hit the free agent market. Jarred Bayless falls right out of the top 10.
Robin Lopez is joining Andy Varejao in the Sideshow Bob Fan Club?
Bayless to the Pacers. Still no trades?
Kings select Jason Thompson with Koufos still on the board. I can just smell the overwhelming apathy coming from Sacramento.
And there goes Rush to Portland. Not a bad fit for them, even if the media's still breaking out the kneepads for the Blazers. Um, yeah, they were 'lucky' that they missed the playoffs with Roy and Alridge.
Randolph to Golden State. Chris Mullin loves him some big men projects, doesn't he.
Sideshow Bob Lopez goes to the Suns. I love how he wears that hat. No pressure for him, either, as he won't be beating out Shaq or Amare anytime soon. This could be a nice pickup for Phoenix.
Speights goes early to Philadelphia. A bit of a reach, but they needed the help up front.
The Raptors save the Cavs from Roy Hibbert and pick him for the Pacers. I'm smelling something, and I think its gyro meat...
Darrell Arthur still on the board. Brook Lopez is on the ball: "The Nets. Who's in charge there?"
The Wiz go with Javale McGee. Seven footer? Nice little project for the Wiz. CDR, Koufos, and Arthur still on the board.
Bucher confirms Bayless and Ike Diogu for Rush and Jarrett Jack. Blazers get their point, Indiana gets a backcourt for when Tinsley's othewise indisposed.
Survey says... the clock expired. And nobody at ESPN notices.
Survey says... J.J. Hickson? ... J.J. Hickson?
... J.J. Hickson?
OK, while I research J.J. Hickson, I'll note that we're now through 20 picks and no Koufos or Arthur. Has there ever been a draft where there were bodies in the green room during the second round?
KOUFOS! I'm sure the Jazz have a few of Greg Ostertag's old jerseys that will fit him.
The Sonics pickRobert Swift Saer Sene Serge Ibaka.
Darrell Arthur apparently has Sean Elliott's bad kidney. Rashard Lewis may be vindicated before the night is over.
Cavs fans in full meltdown mode as we picked someone that wasn't on anybody's board. Hickson has some toughness and inside scoring skills. He could be everything we had hoped Drew Gooden would be. Or, with his lack of basketball IQ, he could be Drew Gooden. Not an awful pick.
Twenty six picks through and Darrell Arthur, Deandre Jordan, and CDR are still on the board.
Arthur goes #27 to the Blazers via the Bugs. Sorry, Rashard!
Bad Danny Ainge strikes by picking upJake J.R. Giddens. CDR lives to the second round.
Woofs wait for the second round to pick Darko II. Stu Scott can't tell the difference between Serbia and Montenegro. Knicks fans really miss Rod Thorn.
In the meantime, beer and SportsCenter highlights.
First off, thoughts and prayers go to Brian Windhorst, who's having a rough time of it right now. Keep fighting, Brian, we're all behind you here.
We're off and running and the draft hasn't even started: The Bulls surprise completely no-one and select Derrick Rose. Let's see how he acts once he's on stage. Will visions of Larry Hughes bricking shots, passes bouncing off Drew Gooden's head, and Ty Thomas taking plays off fill his head?
Yep. That half-smile ain't foolin' anyone, Derrick. We can read 'Oh ####' a mile away. ESPN, of course, quickly cuts to the college highlights.
Not that he's an more enthusiastic once he gets to Screamin' A's couch.
Whoa. Miami actually selects Beasley, even after Slick Riley's been all but talking trade the past month. Does he stay with the Heat?
Kevin McFail dooms O.J. Mayo to at least a few minutes of mediocrity. At least O.J. can fake an honest smile. And what's the with the glasses? Professor O.J. ain't foolin' anyone.
Three picks in, no moves yet. Pat Riley admits that the rest of the front office withheld his hair gel until he promised to draft Beasley.
Now it gets interesting. The Clay Bennett Vagabonds select Russell Westbrook. Slightly surprising that he moves ahead of Bayless and Augustin.
O.J. Mayo is on the phone receiving Kevin Garnett's condolences.
From Pau Gasol to Kevin Love? Not a bad payoff for Chris Wallace.
Yawning Knicks fan sums it up right about now. No deals, no really big surprises. Too bad Isaiah's gone, there goes that highlight of the evening.
And of course, I spoke too soon. Donnie Walsh starts his regime by skipping Bayless and Augustin for Danilo Gallinari. Don't worry, Knicks fans! He's strong! He's young! He has a coach familiar with his style! He's not Darko's Italian twin! Really!
Eric Gordon to the Clips. Bayless and Augustin still on the board, with the Bucks pick up next. There's been talk of Milwaukee eyeing Anderson Varejao, keep your fingers crossed Cavs fans.
Donnie Walsh looks even more like a mortician than Jeff Van Gundy.
Well, that explains Yi getting shipped to Jersey. Joe Alexander is the Bucks pick.
Bobcats select D.J. Augustin with Brook Lopez still available. Verrrrrrry interesting. Either Felton's moving to the bench, or he or JRich are on the block.
Brook Lopez falls to the Nets. Oh well, they'll have a couple more lottery picks to fumble before they hit the free agent market. Jarred Bayless falls right out of the top 10.
Robin Lopez is joining Andy Varejao in the Sideshow Bob Fan Club?
Bayless to the Pacers. Still no trades?
Kings select Jason Thompson with Koufos still on the board. I can just smell the overwhelming apathy coming from Sacramento.
And there goes Rush to Portland. Not a bad fit for them, even if the media's still breaking out the kneepads for the Blazers. Um, yeah, they were 'lucky' that they missed the playoffs with Roy and Alridge.
Randolph to Golden State. Chris Mullin loves him some big men projects, doesn't he.
Sideshow Bob Lopez goes to the Suns. I love how he wears that hat. No pressure for him, either, as he won't be beating out Shaq or Amare anytime soon. This could be a nice pickup for Phoenix.
Speights goes early to Philadelphia. A bit of a reach, but they needed the help up front.
The Raptors save the Cavs from Roy Hibbert and pick him for the Pacers. I'm smelling something, and I think its gyro meat...
Darrell Arthur still on the board. Brook Lopez is on the ball: "The Nets. Who's in charge there?"
The Wiz go with Javale McGee. Seven footer? Nice little project for the Wiz. CDR, Koufos, and Arthur still on the board.
Bucher confirms Bayless and Ike Diogu for Rush and Jarrett Jack. Blazers get their point, Indiana gets a backcourt for when Tinsley's othewise indisposed.
Survey says... the clock expired. And nobody at ESPN notices.
Survey says... J.J. Hickson? ... J.J. Hickson?
... J.J. Hickson?
OK, while I research J.J. Hickson, I'll note that we're now through 20 picks and no Koufos or Arthur. Has there ever been a draft where there were bodies in the green room during the second round?
KOUFOS! I'm sure the Jazz have a few of Greg Ostertag's old jerseys that will fit him.
The Sonics pick
Darrell Arthur apparently has Sean Elliott's bad kidney. Rashard Lewis may be vindicated before the night is over.
Cavs fans in full meltdown mode as we picked someone that wasn't on anybody's board. Hickson has some toughness and inside scoring skills. He could be everything we had hoped Drew Gooden would be. Or, with his lack of basketball IQ, he could be Drew Gooden. Not an awful pick.
Twenty six picks through and Darrell Arthur, Deandre Jordan, and CDR are still on the board.
Arthur goes #27 to the Blazers via the Bugs. Sorry, Rashard!
Bad Danny Ainge strikes by picking up
Woofs wait for the second round to pick Darko II. Stu Scott can't tell the difference between Serbia and Montenegro. Knicks fans really miss Rod Thorn.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Introduction and NBA Draft Preview
After some deep thought, I decided to start my own blog. After some more deep thought, and a delicious naked tender wrap, I decided on a blog name. Because nothing defines Cavalier basketball more than the signature call of Joe Tait himself.
OK, nothing defines Cavalier basketball more than Joe Tait and ineptitude. Dan, Danny, Mike, and Lebron are fixing that latter bit.
To kick the blog off, I'll go forth and start with my preview of the NBA draft. No, nothing like repeating Derrick Rose's assist per game totals, Michael Beasley's height, or how many baklava Kosta Koufos can eat in one setting. No, instead I'll give you what you can fearlessly expect from the 2008 NBA Draft:
- One point five seconds after he steps onto the stage, Derrick Rose will suddenly remember who he's been drafted by. David Stern, however, will have his family held by gunpoint, preventing his escape from either the stage or Chicago.
- Pat Riley, still sore over losing the Rose sweepstakes, swaps picks with the Knicks. Mike D'Antoni doubles on his Excedrin supply. Dwayne Wade suggests O.J. Mayo put Sir Charles on his Fav Five, then quietly buries his own phone somewhere underneath Star Jones.
- Kevin McHale continues to draft by NCAA tourney video, though Stern is forced to reject his draft pick as Stephen Curry didn't declare his eligibility.
- Rick Sund inagurates his tenure as Hawks' GM by trading Josh Smith, Josh Childress, and Acie Law for draft picks he turns into Koufos and both Lopez brothers. The laughter of bittersweet Sonics' fans can be heard clear from Spokane.
- Kelvin Prichett makes a draft pick. Pundits proclaim it a genius move. The Trailblazers fail to make the playoffs next season.
- Someone picks Chris Douglas-Roberts before Danny Ferry can claim him. I tend to my sorrows with another Dortmunder Gold.
OK, nothing defines Cavalier basketball more than Joe Tait and ineptitude. Dan, Danny, Mike, and Lebron are fixing that latter bit.
To kick the blog off, I'll go forth and start with my preview of the NBA draft. No, nothing like repeating Derrick Rose's assist per game totals, Michael Beasley's height, or how many baklava Kosta Koufos can eat in one setting. No, instead I'll give you what you can fearlessly expect from the 2008 NBA Draft:
- One point five seconds after he steps onto the stage, Derrick Rose will suddenly remember who he's been drafted by. David Stern, however, will have his family held by gunpoint, preventing his escape from either the stage or Chicago.
- Pat Riley, still sore over losing the Rose sweepstakes, swaps picks with the Knicks. Mike D'Antoni doubles on his Excedrin supply. Dwayne Wade suggests O.J. Mayo put Sir Charles on his Fav Five, then quietly buries his own phone somewhere underneath Star Jones.
- Kevin McHale continues to draft by NCAA tourney video, though Stern is forced to reject his draft pick as Stephen Curry didn't declare his eligibility.
- Rick Sund inagurates his tenure as Hawks' GM by trading Josh Smith, Josh Childress, and Acie Law for draft picks he turns into Koufos and both Lopez brothers. The laughter of bittersweet Sonics' fans can be heard clear from Spokane.
- Kelvin Prichett makes a draft pick. Pundits proclaim it a genius move. The Trailblazers fail to make the playoffs next season.
- Someone picks Chris Douglas-Roberts before Danny Ferry can claim him. I tend to my sorrows with another Dortmunder Gold.
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